Monthly Archives: February 2015

R.I.P. Lesley Gore

Along with all those male dominant/silly female songs, there was this wonderful message (1964)

We need more of this now. We need for every girl put down ‘out of love’ to stand up and walk out.

We need more of this, chosen by the UN for their 1975 Year of the Woman

Just…don’t read the comments. They’ll just make you bang your head on the desk. Notice, too…we can actually understand her words??

Peace and Love, Lesley Gorefor blog


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It All Matters

Last week, Kristen Lamb shared her thoughts on ‘that movie,’ and the comments ranged from “thank you for writing this” to “it’s only a movie (or book) and we all know it’s fantasy so what’s the big deal?”

Kristen explains it so well HERE

let's shine some light on this idea

let’s shine some light on this idea

How many books have had a profound effect on a wide section of the populace? Mein Kampf, anyone? For that matter, what about Harry Potter? Lord of the Rings? Jonathan Livingston Seagull? But even when a book sells in the millions, it will not have the potential impact of one fifteen second Super Bowl commercial. Not only is the exposure greater, a visual image will stay with the average watcher long after they have closed up their book.  Once the actions of the book’s characters are played out on the screen, the impact will reach much further and there will be an even greater need for some people to THINK for themselves before they allow the characters on that screen influence their own lives.

Even so, and not all that long ago, the big strong domineering man was all too popular in books, especially Romance books. I remember one of the early authors I admired adding a scene in some books where the ‘hero’ is ‘forced’ to ‘discipline’ the heroine because she’s put herself at risk. He doesn’t like doing it but he puts her over his knee and administers a few swats to her sitting area. For her own good of course. Being of independent nature she’s upset at first but then somehow sees his actions as necessary for their relationship.

WHAT? And HUH???

Anyone who has worked successfully with horses or dogs or dolphins or…any animal…knows you can’t train with force. Sure you can get a form of obedience. But actual training needs

Really, you don't need to hit me. I'll listen

Really, you don’t need to hit me. I’ll listen

communication and respect, not abuse.  Yet here we readers were, inundated with the idea that a few (loving) swats on the back end were necessary to assure his beloved didn’t do that awful thing again. And of course they had the obligatory Happily Ever After.

That’s just wrong on so many levels. Sorry, no matter how hot and hunky and panty meltingly handsome, no man has the right to hit a woman. Unless, of course, she started the fight and he couldn’t walk away. Nor does a woman have the right to hit a man without a darned good reason. Certainly not as an expression of loving concern.

Is there a time and place for violence? Perhaps. But that time and place is not in a relationship, and not to pump up the ego of the stronger partner. I also believe hope we are closer than ever to the day when we won’t have to have these involved discussions about books and movies that advocate violent relationships under the guise of ‘love.’

We can dream.


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It’s Not All Bad…From Another Point of View

I know, I’ve been all about how awful it’s been for women. And it has. In fact next week I’ll be back at it with things that bug me, and we’ve accepted as ‘the way things are’ for way too long.

But I would not be fair if I didn’t talk about the other side…the positive side…of how women are treated or should be treated. Yesterday I flirted with what Rod Stewart had to offer with his songs. While I was noodling around on YouTube, I came across some other feel good songs. What better way to slide out of the weekend?

I think this is a particularly enjoyable version of a lovely song.

Since I love this sort of song so much I’ve decided it would be fun to use some of these titles for my books. Then I can think of the song while I’m working on the book. Like this one:

Which I think would work really well for the book now at Black Opal. Sydney has always ‘done for’ everyone else, shorting herself. Until she meets Devin, who only want to make her life better. Although I might use another favorite instead:

Because…really what’s more romantic than the magic of touch with the right person?

Sweet Dreams

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Who Do YOU Think is Sexy?

I was contemplating a discussion of a certainly newly released film, based on a book that was controversial on so many levels. But as I mentioned earlier, Kristen Lamb shared her take on the issue HERE. Comments are mixed, and based on personal experiences. Not much more I can add that’s not based on my own experiences.

However Melissa Snark (who is hosting The Write Pet where I visited earlier this month) started a FaceBook discussion about the current trend for BBW heroines (Big Beautiful Women) and gorgeous, ripped, heroes. Is this what we really want to read? Obviously enough people want to fall into this fantasy to boost those book sales. And many more want to vicariously be the gorgeous woman and powerful, wealthy man. Or date a sexy warrior.

What is sexy?

1981…34 years ago. Wow, the energy. Do you think he was sexy there? If so was it the slender body, the energy, the charisma?

I spent a lot of time around horses and horsemen when I was younger, and a favored body type was longer and leaner but when I married it was to a man with a sense of humor and tremendous loyalty who thought I was wonderful. Which was pretty darned sexy when you think about it.

The very first Category Romance I ever read was written by Stephanie James AKA Jayne Anne Krentz. Her hero wasn’t handsome, her heroine wasn’t beautiful. They were perfect. For each other. After a life time of losing out to the prettier and skinnier it was refreshing to fall into a story of people with energy and personality and loyalty without the plastic descriptions.

And here’s a Valentine for you, and those you love


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Crack Slaw…Seriously…Low Carb and Yummy #MFRWAutthor

Not a Friday the 13th joke, Crack Slaw is a great low carb dish, which can be used if you’re ‘stuck’ digestively or if you just want something comfort food-y on a chilly night. As you might have guessed the name came about through the “can’t get enough” nature of the dish. Seriously clicks my yummy buttons.

There are some terrific recipes, even some as a casserole.Let’s see: Here’s one Crack Slaw - Low Carb. Photo by medmassage

Since I only cook for me, and don’t generally have ground beef in the house, crack slaw becomes a “hmmm what’s in the fridge” kind of meal. This time I had Napa cabbage, Bok Choy, green onions and chicken from the grocery rotisserie chicken. I used bacon grease (of course!)Everything except the chicken is sliced up and put in an iron skillet, cooked until the cabbages are done. Then I add the hot sauce. For this I use Marie Sharp’s since it’s pretty much the best and hottest I’ve found! Splash in some Tamari (too many soy sauces tend to have wheat added) Then I shred the chicken on top, however much I have on hand. Turn off the heat, close it up while I’m getting something to drink or checking the computer.

Fortunately this keeps well in case you manage not to eat it all at once. And it is better the next day!  Enjoy!

For Valentine’s Day I’ve been tempted to discuss my take on Fifty Shade’s of Gray but Kristen Lamb has said it so much better

So I might bring up a book I read long ago that disturbed me then and now.

In the meantime, grab some cabbage and meat at the store and enjoy your crack slaw!


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Get Over It…and Get It Sent. #MFRWAuthor

Chuck Wendig…who never holds back when expressing his opinion, has once again been peeking over my shoulder. Mine, yours, and every other person who has quit before they even got started. He calls it PRE REJECTION {language warning!} and points out far too many of us decide half way through a project that it’s the worst sort of drivel to ever waste digital space.

Finish it anyway. Send it out. Send it out again

“Don’t worry about the things you can’t control. Control what you can — and no, that doesn’t mean to pre-reject, it just means, write the best story, and find your feet with writing.”

Ask that new person for a date. Enter that dog show. Take that drive up to Jemez Springs. Try those photography classes. Write that article to share your off beat idea.


And let me know how it turns out.

We’re having glorious weather here in New Mexico and I feel sorry for my friends back east. Honest, I do! So I won’t share a sunshine pictures. Hmmmm, what do I have? Ah, here’s one

New Mexico Storm Clouds

New Mexico Storm Clouds

Seriously. Send it in. Ship it. Let me know what happens.


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Because We Are All Worth It #MFRWAuthor

Because I’m Worth It

Who remembers the four words, spoken by a beautiful woman holding a box of beauty product? The slogan for L’Oreal® shampoos and conditioners and whatever else was wanted or needed to make women feel special. In the mid 2000’s the slogan changed to “Because You’re Worth It’ then in 2009 the phrase became ‘Because We’re Worth It’ at the advice of a consumer psychologist. Here’s the Wiki Link

Such an empowering phrase, created to help a company retain the lead in a business all too often dependent on women feeling they need to be more. Even though I have not used cosmetics other than skin cream or oil, I find myself using the phrase, though not perhaps in the way intended.

I am worth living life as well as I can. I am worth working toward success whether with my writing, my photography, or my dogs. I am worth saying no from time to time when a club or an organization wants some of the time I jealously guard.

We are ALL worth these basic guidelines to our lives and in living our own life with value we can share that value with others.

Seth Godin, the powerhouse behind the recent Your Turn blog challenge, stated this so well almost a year ago:

The generosity boomerang
Here’s conventional wisdom:
Success makes you happy. Happiness permits you to be generous.
In fact, it actually works like this:
Generosity makes you happy. Happy people are more likely to be successful.

Let’s be generous with ourselves and each other so we can boost happiness all around us.

After all, We ARE worth it.




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Back to that Perception Thing Again #MFRWAuthor

I was hanging out at Marketing For Romance Writers earlier today, talking about how to make it easier for people to help support your books: MFRW Blog.

This could have satisfied my commitment to daily blogging but as I might have mentioned I can be a competitive sort. Plus earlier today someone mentioned a Waffle House Valentine’s Day Flowers, chocolates and dinners end up costing a lot of money on Valentine

offer, pointing out this would be a date FAIL. Maybe, for some people. Research shows me Waffle House has been offering a candle lit Valentine’s meal for six years and those who attend really enjoy it. Which stands to reason: would they be attending if they didn’t like it…and would a national corporation continue with an unsuccessful offering?

The silly remarks on that Facebook post had me thinking about how tastes differ. Maybe even how some of us can be judgmental (moi? Unfortunately, yes) For some people, McDonald’s is a luxury…and sadly the dumpsters behind restaurants serve as the only source of dinner for far too many people. For New Year’s Eve I mused a bit on perspectives: NYE Perspectives from an artistic point of view. This is another take on perspectives: One man’s trash???

Where will you be spending your Valentine’s dinner?


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Life on Purpose—What to Do When Dreams & Goals Fizzle Thanks to Kristen Lamb

Kinda cheating here, but sharing Kristen because she’s just that awesome.

Kristen Lamb's Blog

Original image via Lucy Downey from Flickr Creative Commons Original image via Lucy Downey from Flickr Creative Commons

We’re a few weeks out from the New Year and many of us are struggling. I don’t think I am saying anything crazy when I assert that most of us would LIKE to improve. We want to learn and grow and be better over time. No one dreams about being broke, stressed, overweight and unhappy. That’s a given and you might even laugh at that notion.

Yet, nature abhors a vacuum.

I dream of a floor I can’t find because I’m SO behind on laundry it’s more of an archaeological project than housework.


Screen Shot 2014-07-25 at 10.33.50 AM

But I need to ask the hard question: If we aren’t dreaming of all that bad stuff? What are we dreaming about?

I’ve consulted countless business people and writers. Conversations are VERY telling. Some people are so afraid of failing that they never make a decision. Yet…

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I’m Not Laughing…Potential Triggers #MFRWAuthor

I had planned a quick sweet blog for this Sunday evening, finishing out a lovely New Mexico day. But I read this blog by Kitt Crescendo and I knew I had to step forward with something that has disturbed me for so long. I have to warn you this can be disturbing.

I’m Not Laughing.

Kitt’s blog has to do with FGM…Female Genital Mutilation. I hope you’ve heard of it. Well not really hope since it’s such a horrific thing to have happen to young girls I wish it would only be a footnote in historical books. But it is very real. It is happening NOW and not enough is done to try to STOP IT.

It is NOT funny. Along with other things NOT funny: videos of frightened pets making odd noises. Children falling down or being pulled down by accident. Crotch hits. Most of the “funniest home videos” Sorry, not funny.

Not. Funny.


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