Winner or Loser?

On January 27, 2012, after an eight month battle, my husband Tom quietly slipped away. As I had promised him, he was in our house, facing the window, surrounded by a messy room, our dogs, and the greatest love.
These last three months were filled with challenge, hope, and despair. For a while it seemed as though we were about to beat the odds, then one day Tom seemed to just give up. He died at peace, and out of pain.
So, did we win? Did we defeat the beast? Or did we lose the battle? Some might say we lost the battle to save his life. I’m preferring to say we WON the battle to let him die in his own time.
What more can we do for those we love?
I found out recently from his sister, Tom died on the same day their father “crashed” in the hospital. Though doctors were able to bring their father back, he essentially died on that day. Life is far stranger than fiction.
If anyone reading this knew Tom, and wants to make some gesture in support of his wonderful life, please just do one thing for us. Turn to the person you love the most, and hug them. And pass that love on to everyone you meet.


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3 responses to “Winner or Loser?

  1. Laurie Lee

    Monica, that is so profound. You are so right about love and you showed so much of that all the time. Blessings….
    Laurie in Vegas


  2. Sometimes I think we define words in such limited ways. This sounds like a healing to me. Passing is the most normal thing for humans, it is un-natural that we are trusted to do it ourselves. I think that is the big win- to be home and not in a whirlpool of hospital drama. Hooray for you both, it is a victory in so many ways.


  3. trish taylor

    I would say that’s a very big WIN. For Tom, to be at peace, surrounded by so much love and for you, who fought so hard to give him that gift. And I am making that gesture of support, in honour of yours and Tom’s love right now as I type with one hand.


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